So last night Bryan decided to try to teach me to Kayak down the Looking Glass River...It totally didn't go to well. What I had envisioned was paddling up river, getting a good work out and spending quality time with the husband. What really happened? I did pretty good going down stream, but once we turned around to go up stream it became a disaster. I have no idea what i was doing wrong, but i couldn't paddle fast enough or keep the damn Kayak straight. I kept running into logs, brush and even ran into the bridge. To top it all off, I was being eaten alive by the mosquitos that were breeding on top of the water. It pretty much sucked to say the least. I left the park with a broken and disappointed heart. I was disappointed and mad at myself because I thought i would be able to get the hang of it and also because I could tell that Bryan was disappointed too. He always thinks that I just dont try hard enough, and I will admit that I really do not usually try to do much of anything that pretains exersize, but this time I really was trying hard. So instead of getting exersize kayaking, I went for a 6 mile walk/run. It was relaxing, it gave me time to think, the mosquitos left me alone, and I got to enjoy the sweet smell of spring all while burning calories. You ever notice how many wonderful smells there are in the spring? last night I was over whelmed with the smell of lilacs and blossoming peonies.
This weekend Is Memorial Day weekend. On my walk last night I started to reflect on Memorial Day a year ago. (see I told you that IF effects you every single day) Last Year I took Megan and Gunner to the Memorial Day Parade. Last year, I was starting stims for IVF, last year I thought that it would be the last year i took someone elses child to the parade, last year I hadnt suffered a crappy egg retireval, aspirated pneumonia, or a major tooth infection. Last year i hadn't even known what it was like for someone to tell you that you were pregnant, last year I hadn't suffered a horrible miscarriage, D&C, or methotrexate injections. Infertility changes your life but having a miscarriage, loosing the baby you fought so hard for, scars your heart forever.
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My Blog is getting a Makeover and so am I. My name is Cortney and I not only have PCOS but I am also infertile. This is my journey to a hot body and to becoming a mommy. some days my life is normal and full of rainbows and roses other days, I will warn you are not so normal and down right dark. Welcome to my life, it is not so easy being the chubby childless woman that I am. My goal, is to one day be able to change my blog title to One Hot Mama!
1 comment:
Oh sweetie, I've had experiences like that too. I'm so looking forward to something and then it doesn't go as I planned. It stinks! I'm glad that you went for a walk/run and enjoyed yourself.
Memorial weekend is rough. It's hard to remember all that we've lost and it's sad. I so wish that last year would've been different for you. I wish the little baby you lost would be in yoru arms today. I hope that next year things are different for both of us. ((HUGS))
P.S. I received the package you sent today and all I can say is "wow"! You are so darn sweet and thoughtful! I took the frog up to Myles's grave tonight and plan to post some pictures this weekend. I will put the Love and Hope stones on my desk where I can look at them when I need a reminder that there is hope and that I am loved by so many wonderful people! I plan to make brownies for everyone and play a little frisbee too! Well and you know what K will do with the meds! ;) THANK YOU!!!
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